


Piece of the puzzle

by Rehe_im_Walde



Series: Guitar husbands summertour 2019 [3]
Category: Rammstein
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-12-14 11:37:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21015149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rehe_im_Walde/pseuds/Rehe_im_Walde
Summary: Guitarists Paul and Richard have been seeing more of eachother after the 2019 Stadiumtour brought them closer together. However, they haven't gone all-the-way yet...This idea somehow didn't fit in as a chapter in the previous stories in this series, but it was always on the back of my mind so I had to get it out of my system...





	Piece of the puzzle

**Author's Note:**

> The characters are, ofcourse, their own and not mine. All thoughts and conversations are fictional.

Rammstein hadn't started their joint rehearsels for the stadiumtour in 2020 yet, but the two guitarists, Paul and Richard, had met often these last weeks at the Rammstein practice room to play together on old and new songs. This was unusual for them, in the past 25 years of being bandmates, they had often shied away of playing guitar without the other bandmembers around, initially because they considered eachother competition, and when that had ebbed away, they just weren't used to do it and the idea never crossed their minds.

But since they had gotten closer (literally) over the summer tour of 2019 which, among themselves, they referred to as the 'summertour of love', they *had* played together one day and had liked that so much, they had gotten in the habit of regularly having 'Guitar-dates".  
That these dates usually ended with a smooching-session was more than a nice bonus that both enjoyed tremendously. Up until now the smooching had never ended in full-on sex though, and not only because one day when they had entered the room they found that someone (they suspected Rammstein frontman Till) had put up a prohibition sign "No fucking allowed", but also because they were unsure how to take the next step.

Paul only had experiences with women in the past and although he was in an 'open' relationship now, he had been faithful to his girlfriend for over 20 years, apart from an occasional quick snog with a fan at an after-party, so the 'open' part was more theory than practice. He suspected that Richard did have some experience with men (at least when he was young), but not serious enough that Paul had ever met any of them, and Richard had up until now seemed happy with the hugs, cuddles and passionate kissing the guitarists shared without going any further.

A few weeks ago Paul had turned 55, but now he felt like a teenager again involved in a first love relationship (which in a way it was), unsure how to 'go for it' with his friend, afraid to ruin everything they had.  
After pondering the problem for a while he decided to ask advice from his best friend in the band, drummer Schneider, so he had invited him for a beer in a local pub in which he knew they wouldn't be overheard.

After exhanging some chit-chat and discussing the weekend's soccer results, Paul decided to take the leap and adress the subject "Chris?"  
Schneider was surprised that Paul used his first name, preferring when people used his last, he suspected Paul had something unusual to ask, took a sip of beer and waited for what would follow "Yeah..?"  
"Ehm...did you..ehm..did you ever, you know...ehm.."  
Now Schneider was even more intrigued, Paul usually was very eloquent and not a bit shy, certainly not when they were amongst themselves, so he waited silently for Paul to continue.  
"..Did you ever sleep with a guy? Well not sleep, but you know.. make love ehm...you know, ehm..?"  
Schneider was secretly amused, but knowing what happened between the guitarists at the recent tour, he decided not to tease Paul "Did I ever have sex with a man, is that what you're asking?"  
"Yeah..that.."  
"Does sex-while-drunk count?"  
"I guess, yeah.."  
"Then yes.."  
"..as long as you were not too drunk to remember the details.."  
"Oh..then no.."

Schneider wanted to chuckle at Paul's disappointed face, but held back, instead going for the obvious question "Why...are you thinking of having sex with a guy"  
Paul grinned nervously "Well...yeah..."  
"With Richard.." it was more a statement than a question.  
Paul snapped "Ofcourse with Richard, what do you think, that I have a whole bunch of guys lined up for me?"  
Schneider laughed "Thanks for that visual; I think you'd be surprised how many men would be interested in you, but you never seemed into guys..."  
"Well...I'm still not into 'guys' plural...just the one..."  
"But you guys didn't have sex yet? And please note that while I am all in favour of you two having a fling, I think you guys are cute together, I don't need to know the details.."  
"No, I don't know how to make the next move..and Richard mentioned something once about his last relationship with a guy ending badly.. and I don't know whether he doesn't want to go all-the-way anymore or something else is wrong. I didn't know who to ask...I never really payed much attention to the relationships you guys have, apart from the fact that you're all with women now."  
"We are, and as far as I know Oli has only been with women, Till might have had some guys in the past.."  
"Yeah, but I'm not going to ask Till for advice on this am I, he prefers to be in denial about what Richard and I are up to. I could have asked Flake, I've always supected that Till and him had hooked up at some point."  
"Trust me, what Till and Flake do together, Richard and you have already surpassed with one walk around a Finnish lake."  
"Anyway, I'm curious about what more there is..so I thought of you.."  
"I'm flathered" Schneider grinned, but continued on a more serious tone "I'd say that the only one of us I'm pretty sure of having had experience, is your 'husband', I think I remember years ago Till mentioning that Richard had a boyfriend in New York, but I never heard anything about him since, and given Richard's string of ladies after that, I doubt that there is any space left for a guy." On seeing Paul's disappointed face "Until this summer with you...did I mention you two are cute together?"

Paul sighed. Schneider took another sip of beer "Just ask him Paul, you two could always talk about everything together even when you couldn't stand to play guitar in the same room."  
"We do that now, we have practiced together several times already and he gave me a real guitarist's gift for my birthday" Paul smiled at the memory "...but it's just..it's different than with women.."  
Schneider suppressed another grin "Yes, that much I do know, it's different than with women...but you have one advantage; you have known your guy for over 25 years..." he put his hand on Paul's arm and gave him a small squeeze "just ask him.."

\-----

Two days later the guitar-husbands had another guitardate, this time focussing on the songs from the last album, particularly the ones they hoped would end up at the next tour.  
Richard was pleased with what they played "'Puppe' was always good, but 'Radio' sounds better the way we play it now, and I hope we can convince the others to do 'Sex' again with these changes"  
The song 'Sex' had originally been on the setlist of the 2019 tour, but had only been played at the first shows and after that been dropped because the band felt it didn't work on stage.  
The conversation he had with Schneider was still in the back of Paul's mind, but he hadn't known how to start the topic with Richard, but this was a cue too good to miss "Now you mention 'doing sex'...I've been wanting to talk to you..about us.."  
Richard turned to Paul and anxiously asked "You're not breaking up with me, are you?"  
"What? No! Don't even think that!"  
"You almost gave me a heartattack.."

Paul got up from his seat and moved to sit next to Richard on a couch. He gently stroked the other's back "I don't know how to say it..."  
Richard put his guitar aside and turned to look at Paul. He lifted his hand to stroke the other man's cheek, then lovingly put a kiss on his lips.  
Paul smiled and stroked the other's hair and neck "Okay, here goes..I've never been with a guy, never even thought of it, but after being with you...I guess I want to do more...with you, I mean. You said you were with a man once and I guess I don't want to disappoint you or for you to grow tired of me."

Richard now put both his hands on Paul's cheeks and kissed him again "Okay, first things first: you're not going to disappoint me, I'm not growing tired of you, and please don't feel that you have to have sex with me to keep me interested."  
Paul grinned that Richard got to the point so much easier than he did "That's good to know...but I also asked because, well, *I* want it.."  
Richard sighed and sat back on the couch, taking Paul's hand, then looked at him, thinking of what to say.  
Paul nervously added "Only if you want to ofcourse, I mean, I hoped that you felt the same.."  
Richard squeezed his hand "I do feel the same, more than once when we were together I wanted to take you right there and then" (another nervous chuckle from Paul) "..but it's complicated..I quit men years ago and I never meant to start again."  
"You once mentioned a bad breakup.."  
Richard sighed "I just wanted to forget it and never look back, I never told anyone what happened."  
"Not even Till?" Paul knew the singer was usually Richard's confidant.  
"Not even Till; he knew I had a boyfriend in New York, and he knew at some point that it was over, but I never explained, I couldn't talk about it, it hurt too much."

Paul was taken aback by the serious turn their conversation had taken. For a few minutes the two guitarists sat quiet next to eachother, Richard still holding Paul's hand and occassionally squeezing it "It's a long time ago, over 10 years now.."  
"Only if you want to, but maybe you'll feel better if you tell me..." Paul lovingly stroked the other's cheek "I don't think it can make you feel worse.."  
Richard looked at Paul, then quickly looked away as if he was ashamed of his story, but after a few more moments of silence he started talking. Paul laid his head on Richard's shoulder, otherwise content with Richard just holding his hand.

"When I was younger, in Germany, I had a relationship with a man two times, one in my 20's in Schwerin and one in my 30's in Berlin. Both of them were bisexual, and in both cases it turned out the guy was also seeing women on the side and eventually ditching me for a girlfriend after a few months."  
"Just a fling or really a relationship?"  
"For me they really were relationships. I've always maintained I'm poly-amoureus and occassionally I have more than one woman at the same time, but when I was with these men I was faithful to them."  
"Not even women?"  
"No, just the guy...for as long as it lasted. After the first one I left Schwerin, after the second I left Berlin and moved to New York; I always said that had to do with getting away from Rammstein, but it was just as much to get over that relationship."  
Paul stroked Richard's thigh to comfort him, but remained quiet, waiting for the other to continue.

"In New York I got married, divorced and then spent several years having casual relations with various women, without anything getting too serious. One day, some of my friends suggested I'd go on a date with a guy they knew. They thought I should get in a relationship again, I guess they were fed up with me sleeping around, and said he was just my type. At first I just said no, I was not interested, I had already after the Berlin-guy sworn never to date a man again, but they kept insisting that I should at least have one date. In the end I gave in, more to get them off my case then anything else.  
So, reluctantly I met this guy for dinner, basically wanting to get it over with as soon as possible, but when I met him..."  
Richard sighed "He was just my type, exactly the kind of man I used to fall for.. We had a great evening, he was sexy, goodlooking, funny, interesting to talk to, just...everything"  
He was silent for a while, Paul wondered what he was thinking, but chose to remain quiet, his head still on the other's shoulder, letting Richard continue when he was ready.

"But I didn't want to get hurt again like before, after each of my previous men, I couldn't stand to stay in the same place anymore and basically ran away. I felt after New York, there was nowhere I could run to if things went wrong again, if the guy would leave me again..but apparently Alex, that was his name, also liked me because he asked me out on a second date and hesitantly I agreed.  
I was very nervous for this second date, and decided that right at the start I would ask everything that made me doubt, and if I didn't like the answers I would walk away and not look back.

Alex had all the right answers: Yes, he was bisexual, but he hadn't been with a woman for a while, No, he wasn't seeing anyone at the time, he had been single for over a year. Yes, he believed in mono-amoury, with the right person. After that last question he took my hand and said he really liked me and he thought I was the hottest guy he'd ever met."  
Paul smiled and lifted his head to give Richard a peck on the cheek "I bet he did, you were always a hot guy."

"So I stayed and at the end of that date I was head over heals in love with him. He brought me home, we kissed and next morning he called me and we talked for over an hour, the same night dating again.  
He travelled a lot for his job and was in New York during the week, travelling all over the U.S. on the weekend. So, long story short: within a month he had moved in with me from Tuesday to Thursday, and when he travelled on the weekend, I was busy with music so that worked out perfect.  
We had the best time when we were together, he was everything I had been looking for all that time. If same-sex marriage had been legal at the time, I think I would have asked him."  
Richard fell silent again.

"How long where you together?"  
"Almost three years.."  
"And no other relationships in between?"  
"No, I lived for that guy, for the three days every week that we were together. Every day with him was as great and as exciting as when we just met."  
Paul lay his head on Richard's shoulder again.

"One saturday I was shopping for groceries, I loved to cook for him, and I crossed Times Square to go to a particular store. And there, on the other side of the street was Alex, with a woman."  
Paul uttered a soft "Oh.."

"He didn't see me, they were heading for a theatre. I still didn't think anything wrong, I thought the woman was a sister or cousin, or maybe someone from work that he had to keep occupied. I was a little surprised that he hadn't called me to say he was in town, because he never was on the weekend, but maybe he'd been busy. I was never introduced to anyone in his family or work, but as I never introduced him either because my family and work were all in Germany, that wasn't a big deal. So I didn't go over to him and continued shopping."

He squeezed Paul's hand again "Next Tuesday he came to my house as usual, I was happy to see him and he me, we had sex, and after that I made dinner. He complemented me on the food and I casually remarked that while shopping I thought I had seen him on Times Square. He didn't seem surprised, but while continuing eating he mentioned 'Oh yeah right, I went to see a show with my wife'."  
"His wife?"  
"Basically what I said, but yes, that was his wife. Just like it was nothing he told me he had been married for five years and he stayed with her during the weekends."  
"Five years? So when you two went on a date.."  
"He was already married.."

Paul sat up to look at Richard, when the other looked back he saw tears in his eyes "Oh sweetheart...I'm so sorry.."  
Richard swallowed his tears away "I was numb, I couldn't believe what he had just said and particularly the way he had said it, like it was no big deal."  
"I hope you threw one of your tantrums, he deserved it.."  
Richard smiled through his tears "No...I was in denial; I had loved him for such a long time, I still did.. "  
"Did you at least throw him out?"  
"No... the day went on just like all previous tuesdays, I was completely dazed.. That night we went to bed, but I was too confused, I didn't want to sleep with him. He got annoyed with me, told me to quit being a crybaby and get over myself, that I should be glad I was sexy otherwise he'd have stopped seeing me years ago. In the end he fucked me anyway, I cried all the way through it."  
"Richard..."  
"When I woke up next morning, he was gone. He'd left a note saying he wasn't interested if I was being an annoying bitch like last night and that I ruined everything for him."

Paul got up and hugged his friend in a tight embrace, for a while both were quiet but for the sound of Richard crying and Paul stroking him.  
"Did you ever see him again?"  
"No... I had a phonenumber, but when I called it, it was disconnected."  
"Oh honey, I'm so sorry...but that guy was an asshole"  
"I spent days crying and being lost, not seeing anybody. Till happened to call two weeks later to tell me we had a Rammstein appointment where I was supposed to show and casually said Rammstein meets would be a lot easier if everyone lived in Berlin. That's when I first decided to move back to Germany."  
"So that wasn't for your family or us."  
"It was easier to have everyone think that, but basically I ran away again because of a broken relationship. And shortly after I met a new woman I liked a lot...and the rest you already know."

Paul pulled away a little, before giving Richard a small peck on the lips "Thank you for telling me...I'm sorry you had to go through all that.."  
"I'm annoyed at myself for still crying over it."  
"You are way too good for a guy like that..maybe it's a good thing you didn't introduce him to us, we would set the flamethrower at him."  
Richard smiled "Thanks for saying that.."

Guitars forgotten, the two guitarists spent the rest of the evening just sitting close to eachother on the couch. Paul coming up with ever more torturous punishments should he ever meet this Alex. Richard first timidly smiling but eventually laughing out loud at Paul's ideas.  
"You're a scary man when you're angry, Landers."  
"Yeah well, I don't handle it well when someone is mean to a person I love." he looked his friend in the eye "In case I hadn't made myself clear, I love you Richard".  
"I love you too, Paul."


End file.
